I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
