I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
