you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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