I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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