Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I enjoy the company of your penis
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
