to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
