its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
