it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
