hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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