Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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