can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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