and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
