It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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