Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
