True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wish you could order shots online.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
