Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
