I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I smell stomach acid.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
