i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
