I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
