What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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