i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
