Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
