Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
