i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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