Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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