i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
