Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
