Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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