I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
