that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
