she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
