Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
