I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
