It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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