I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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