I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
