if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just found puke in my bra..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
