i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
