so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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