When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
