I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
