I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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