It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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