You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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