just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
