Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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