The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
