Your tits are I can't wait for
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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