You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
