who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
