Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just gargled with NyQuil
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
