Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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