I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
