I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
